


Middle

by W_Ing_W_Ing9



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: GTOP, M/M, SF city, despair and renewal, might add another chapter, youngbae's supportive bae to jiyong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-13
Updated: 2016-03-13
Packaged: 2018-05-26 13:38:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6241363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/W_Ing_W_Ing9/pseuds/W_Ing_W_Ing9
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Inspired by: Middle by DJ Snake and Bipolar Sunshine<br/>Song used: Stay With Me by Taeyang (ft. G-DRAGON)</p></blockquote>





	Middle

    Jiyong was walking around San Francisco aimlessly, his steps slow and wandering. He crossed streets, aimlessly going into dark alleyways and then appearing somewhere he didn't know. Sometimes, he'd find himself in the middle of cars, people, and city sounds. And in his state, he'd see himself walking with his girlfriend and then disappearing when someone walked in front of him and he felt like breaking down and crying. Then he swallow his tears and turn back, hoping to find a calmer, quiet place until he came to Pier 39. It was so far from Downtown but he didn't care. Everything didn't matter now. It's okay if he even got hit by a car and died. That'd be nice. He stood in front of the Pier, watching couples and families walking in and out, wandering in the Pier. He turned and continued to walk the streets. People jostled him, but he didn't even feel it. It was all so blurry, so tiring, so exhausting for him. 

   Memories washed over him, making him lose physical consciousness. Oh, he was still walking...only he was thinking of all those times. 

    _"Jiyong-ah!"_

_It was bright in their apartment as Jiyong turned from his book and found a spoonful of sugar coated strawberries. His girlfriend was smiling and Jiyong took it, tasting the fruit. He leaned toward her, burrowing his head to her neck as she held him, giggling and Jiyong felt so warm, so contented like that. Fingers stroked his hair, making him close his eyes._

Jiyong but his lip, and he came to a park. It was empty and dark and maybe even dangerous. 

    _"Wait for me!"_

 _Jiyong slowed his running and she came into his arms. They went into a violent fit of laughter as they hit the ground, Jiyong holding her. She was hugging him and Jiyong kissed her forehead_. 

   It was so perfect. Everything was so fine. Yet...

    _"I'm so sick of this!"_

_"I can't do this any longer. I'm leaving."_

_"Wait, don't go!"_

_"Let me go!"_

And she left like that, suitcase and all. 

   Tears finally burned his eyes and Jiyong let them fall as he collapsed onto the bench, curling up, and holding his head. God, his chest hurt. It was hard to breathe and he felt so cold. And it made him cry harder. He felt so lonely and those bright warm days vanished, leaving cold, lonely nights. He began to hiccup while sobbing and it just all fucking hurt. 

   Suddenly, his phone vibrated and he took it out from his coat pocket, looking at the screen, hopeful. It was Youngbae and he picked up, swallowing the lump in his throat. "Hello?" he voice was scratchy. 

   "Where are you?" Youngbae said. 

   Jiyong choked on another sob and he was unable to answer for a small moment. "Youngbae, I..." he let a hiccup rack him. "It's so hard." he was sobbing into the phone. "It's so fucking hard, Youngbae."

   "Jiyong!" Youngbae called. "Where are you?" 

   Jiyong sat up and looked around. "I'm near Pier 39." he said. "I'm near your place."

   "Can you come over?" Youngbae's voice was worried and Jiyong sniffed. 

   "I'll be there." Jiyong said. 

   "Alright." Youngbae said. And he hung up. 

   Jiyong brought the phone slowly to his lap and he stood, beginning to walk over. 

 

   The door opened and Youngbae was looking at him. Jiyong ducked his head and Youngbae only pulled his wrist gently, making him stumble forward. He took off his shoes and they sat on the couch, the lamp casting a dim light in the small apartment. Jiyong was given a small cup of tea which he doubted would calm him. At least, he stopped crying; though he felt like he would again in a matter of seconds. Youngbae sat next to him, their shoulders touching and Jiyong spoke. "Can I sleep over tonight?" he asked and looked at Youngbae. 

   "Yeah," Youngbae nodded. "I'll leave you some clothes so why don't you take a shower. Have you eaten dinner?" he got up. 

   Jiyong shook his head. 

   "I'll make you something small, then." Youngbae squeezed Jiyong's shoulder. "Okay?"

   Jiyong nodded. "Okay." he said, quietly and got up. He went inside the bathroom and closed the door. Instantly, he slid down the door, one hand slapped on his mouth to stop his sobs. No matter what happened, he couldn't stop crying. Youngbae's kindness seemed undeserved to him. He didn't deserve something like Youngbae's kindness. And thinking that, made him cry. 

   Jiyong recollected himself and began to strip down, letting his clothes scatter around the bathroom. He turned on the water and let the hot water spray on his back. His tears mixed with water and he wasn't sure if the droplets were his tears or just the water. But he could taste a little salt on his tongue. 

   When he was done, Jiyong stood in front of the mirror, one hand on the glass to trace the reflection of his face. He looked horrible with his reddened eyes and pale cheeks. His own face looked wary and tired. 

   On the closed toilet seat was a neatly folded stack of clothes. He blankly lifted up the top layer and put on the undergarments, finding it smug on his hips. He pulled on a long sleeved t-shirt. The sleeves were too long and he pulled them upward a little. He went out and joined Youngbae on the couch and there's a plate of pasta on the coffee table. 

   "You okay?" Youngbae wrapped an arm around his shoulder, squeezing his shoulder.

   "You probably know." Jiyong said miserably.

   "Yeah," Youngbae said quietly. 

   "Sorry," Jiyong said. "Can I just sleep early?" he asked. 

   Youngbae nodded. "You don't anything to eat?"

   "I'm fine. Sorry," Jiyong said and stroded to Youngbae's room. He closed the door and stood in his room in the darkness. Such an ugly creature he was. He didn't even eat the food Youngbae had out for him, he selfishly went into his room for his own privacy, and just-everything. It didn't make him feel any better and Jiyong slid down the door, and once again, cried, head back, a hand coverings his eyes, as he sobbed. He really didn't care if Youngbae heard him. He clutched his chest, gasping over his sobs as he went into another memory attack. 

    _"You know how much I love you right?" Jiyong's face was near her's and she giggled. "I really love you."_

_"Me too." she climbed into his lap and held his cheeks and Jiyong felt his head tilt up as she stared into his eyes. Her touch was soft as she stroked her hands in his hair. Then Jiyong moved his head closer to his and brushed his lips with hers, loving how soft it was. He closed his eyes and everything went white._

Jiyong began to really sob loudly.  _I loved you so, so much!_ He screamed.  _I loved you so much..._

    _Mira..._

* * *

 

**-Two weeks later-**

  Seunghyun found him drinking at the club's bar, swirling the glass absent-mindly. He looked almost inhuman with the lights reflecting off his skin, his expression somber. His hair, white and free, was glowing whenever the stage lights traveled all over. His phone was by his glass and he kept staring at it. Like he was waiting for someone to call. He looked lonely and Seunghyun wanted to talk to him. Only he was being dragged by his friend. 

   He met him again at his favorite cafe, this time staring outside the window. He sat alone on the two person table, a coffee undrunken in front of him. His hair was styled into a wide mohawk, still noticeable and bright. But unlike the first time in the club, he was wearing an oversized black hoodie, one hand, sleeved, on his cheek. He wore red high top sneakers and a ripped black jeans. 

   He still looked lonely and somber.  

   But Seunghyun thought he looked like art. Maybe it was an overstatement, but really he did. His skin was so pale, he looked angelic. His lips were slightly pouty and seemed a little too red. His makeup was visible with light eyeliner and light eyeshadow. He was probably slim and slender under that hoodie, looking at his perfect jawline and thin wrists showing with the sleeved bunched up. His neck was sleek and smooth. 

   And this time, he joined him. "Can I sit here?" he asked, and the young man looked at him from his stare. He had such honest brown eyes and he nodded, moving his cup closer to him. "You look a little lonely, so I thought...you might company." Seunghyun said, cautiously. "But if you want me to leave, then I can." he said kindly. 

   The young man smiled. ruefully. "No, thank you. For noticing." he looked down at his cup. "Do I look like that?" he said. 

   "Yeah." Seunghyun replied. "Lonely and maybe a little heartbroken?" he said and the man looked at him. "I don't want to pry." he added. 

   "You're not." he said. "I'm Jiyong Kwon, you?"

   "Seunghyun Choi." Seunghyun replied. "I saw you at the club last Saturday." he said, a little shy to bring it up. "You looked like this there too."

   "You were watching me?" Jiyong asked, a little surprised and Seunghyun chuckled a little, embarrassed. 

   "Yeah, but I didn't want to...you know," Seunghyun said. "You looked like you needed your own privacy."

   Jiyong smiled that same smile again. "I'm like that nowadays," he looked outside the window again. "I'm stuck in my mass of memories too painful to let go when I should let them go. I let my days pass, emotionally like this," he gestured at himself. "I kinda made my own world right now." he admitted. 

   Seunghyun listened to him and he nodded. "Tough." he said. 

   Jiyong nodded. "Sorry, to say all these depressing things." he covered his mouth with his sleeve. 

   "No, everyone goes through it." Seunghyun said, choosing his words carefully. "Would you like to take a walk with me?" he asked. Then he paused, and scratched his head. "Sorry. We just met and all and I'm basically asking you to talk to me what's wrong." he apologized. 

   Jiyong smiled and Seunghyun watched it brighten his face. "Let's go." he said, standing. "Mr.Choi." he jerked his chin lightly at his name card in the plastic wrap connected to a blue string. Seunghyun smiled and they went out. Jiyong pulled the hood up, covering his head partway. They walked the streets of downtown. "You don't look like you club a lot." Jiyong said. 

   Seunghyun laughed. "I go occasionally. I get it often on how I look old but I'm actually only 26."

   Jiyong looked at him. "Really? I'm 25." he replied. 

   Seunghyun nodded. "You're only a year younger than me, huh." he chuckled and Jiyong smiled a little. 

   They walked alone the tall buildings and skyscrapers. There were a lot of business workers speed walking, talking into the phone and Seunghyun noticed how Jiyong had to sort of avoid jostling them. He looked so small like that, in his oversized hoodie and small figure. Seunghyun felt like hugging him. He was that cute. Seunghyun pulled Jiyong closer to him as they walked through a crowd that looked like they were touring. He caught Jiyong looking and him and decided to act cool. They soon came in front of the Piers and Seunghyun knew a quiet bar in one of the Piers. "I know it's a little...too early to drink, but can I treat you to one?" he asked, as they waited for the street to cross. 

   "If you don't mind me taking your time." Jiyong said. 

   "Then, this way." Seunghyun smiled and they crossed the road and into one of the Piers. There was a small bar that no one barely went to but to Seunghyun it was his place of escape. They also had a lot of unique cocktails. He wasn't quite sure why there wasn't much people around. They went inside and the barista instantly recognized him. They sat near where they could see the water in the way back and Jiyong looked around. The seats were rich with cushion and the table was more like a tray but that only made him like the interior more. It reminded him of a coral reef with its rich mahogany walls and deep blue colors.

   "The normal as usual, Mr. Choi?" the barista asked.

   "Sure. What would you like?" Seunghyun asked Jiyong.

   Jiyong took his hood off and the barista's smile sort of faltered. Yeah, he was that ogling. "I'll get the one he's ordering." Jiyong said.

   "Really?" Seunghyun asked, unsure of Jiyong knew what drink it was. The barista left.

   "I'm sure it's something light since it's only late afternoon." Jiyong replied, leaning back onto the arm chair.

   Seunghyun nodded. "You know your alcohol then." 

   Jiyong began to giggle using his sleeve and Seunghyun found it so beautiful. 

   "So, what do you do?" Seunghyun asked. 

   Jiyong pulled a knee up. "I'm an underground pop singer." he said. "I make my own music and perform in clubs." 

   "That's neat." Seunghyun said, really interested. "Do you make a lot of money from it?"

   "Enough to support myself." Jiyong shrugged. "You?"

   Seunghyun held up his card. "I'm an interior designer manager. But you won't find anything good in it." he said. 

   "No, I'm interested." Jiyong said. 

   Seunghyun smiled and went on. He talked to Jiyong about his passion, his love for art and particularly chairs and tables. He said all the things he normally wouldn't say to just any random person but he did. Before he knew it, he was almost out of breath and Jiyong looked amusedly overwhelmed. He began to laugh a little. "You enjoy what you do, huh?" he said. 

   "Don't you?" Seunghyun said, sipping at his drink. 

   Jiyong nodded. "I do." he said. 

   Seunghyun noticed some somberity in his voice and he decided not to ask. "Are you really okay?" he asked, quietly. 

   Jiyong looked at him. Seunghyun felt like he was pressing his buttons for someone he just met but...the young man's expression looked too painful, too somber. "No," Jiyong admitted. "It doesn't sound like much, but..." he paused a little, his intake of breath a little shaky. "I broke up with my girlfriend. Or she broke up with me." he said. 

   "It's not something small. I'm sorry to hear that." Seunghyun earnestly said. 

   Jiyong sadly smiled. "I just keep thinking...how much I loved her and why she left me. I realized she was cheating on me...and before I could even ask her, she wanted to break up with me."

   "And we even lived in the same apartment and...I just keep thinking about her. I really loved her. I thought we could even get married." Jiyong ducked his head into a bow or resignation. "So...nowadays I keep singing upbeat songs with sad lyrics, I'm afraid people will see me different. I think it's a stage of depression." 

   "And yet...I'm waiting for her. I think I'm still hoping she'll come back to me." Jiyong said. "But I know she won't."

   Seunghyun didn't know what to say to that. He'd never really gone out with anyone, even though he's familiar with love. "Then, how about you sing those songs to me?" he suggested. "I'd like to hear you sing."

   Jiyong cracked a dry smile. "Would you? They're not that great, you know." he said and Seunghyun saw a fresh tear roll down his cheek. He reached over and with one hand, swiped it away, feeling his hands brush against soft, smooth skin. 

   "I would," he whispered.  __

* * *

 

   Jiyong was disappointed they had to seperate, but he was glad they exchanged numbers. He was a really good guy and it was a first someone approached him like that. Youngbae always used to tease him saying he always had this kind of looked like "Fuck off, or I'll bite your head off" kind of look. And he felt a little better. About letting it all go like that. Maybe not all, but some. Youngbae already knew and Jiyong always told him, but...he had a girlfriend. And Youngbae wouldn't know it yet because their love was still fresh and bound tight. 

   But looking on the bright side, Jiyong gave him a flyer with his next performance. It would this Saturday from 10 to 12 pm at Wendell's Duckies Bar Club. And for the first times in weeks, he actually felt excited and motivated for it; he wanted to show Seunghyun that there was this side of him. So, at his own apartment, he began to practice more hours than usual, to make everything perfect. Even at the club's stage, he'd been coming in the afternoon and practicing till late night. 

   And then, finally, it was Saturday evening and he was getting ready. The stylists instantly worked on his makeup, adding rose eyeshadow onto the layer above his eyeline. They made a small cross beauty mark under his left eye. They also styled his hair a little freely so that the white strands were coming into waves atop his head. Then he got up, finding everything done...all that was left was his costume. It wasn't really a costume, more like clothing. 

   He pulled on  Sex Pistols shirt with a silver chain necklace and black jeans with two chains from his belt loop. With that, he wore his favorite Saint Laurent's black leather belt. With a finishing touch of his cross earring, red handkerchief tied around his wrist, and a gold chain on his other wrist, he was ready to go. He only hoped Seunghyun was out there somewhere. He was given a glass of champagne from the crew to get the first adrenaline of the perform going, and drank it all in one shot. 

   And then...show time. 

   The stage was dark and Jiyong walked over to the mike stand, plugging in his in ears. And then the first notes of the drum echoed, causing screams and his own name being called. The stage lit up and the beat was already downing his ears and he screamed to the crowd. "Are you guys ready!?" he yelled. 

   The crowd screamed and his eyes met with Seunghyun's in the way back where he was watching, mouth open, glass in his hand. "Let's go, then." he said and there was another burst of screaming. 

   Throwing all his emotions away, Jiyong sang. Breakup with his girlfriend? He threw that to the back of his head, letting the words only take him into a lyrical world. He was singing, jumping, rapping like he lost his mind. But that's who he was on stage. The person who let go of everything when performing. 

   He sang one song from another, getting off stage to touch hands with those in the middle, or making faces in front of the cameras as he sang. It was fun and it set his nerves on fire. Finally, he sang his last sixth song and with the final touch, confetti burst into the air. "Uh, I want to thank all those who came to this performance and cheering me on." Jiyong smiled when he heard a man call out his name. "I want to thank the club's president for letting me perform here and my band-" he shook hands with the guitarist and bassist and the drummer. "And most of all, the person who I personally invited. Thank you!" Jiyong pumped his fist in the air and as the stage went dark, and the DJ equipment was set up, he went back stage. He was sweating lots and he congratulated his band. "Thanks you guys!" he said. 

   He went out into the club where he was bombarded with the bass shaking the ground, the EDM booming in the walls. His fans came up to him, shaking his hand, asking for pictures and signatures before he could cross to Seunghyun who sat in the bar. He did everything with ease and smiles before the bodyguard had to come and push them all away from him, letting Jiyong cross over to Seunghyun. With a whew, he sat right next to Seunghyun and wiped his sweat with the back of his hand, naive to Seunghyun's stare of awe and respect. When he looked at him, he smiled and ducked his head, laughing. "How was I?" he asked. 

   "You...were awesome, like what the hell, I love your songs." Seunghyun said, eyes wide with awe. "They're not bad." he added more quietly. "Everyone loves you." 

   Jiyong smiled and laid his head into his arms on the bar table. He looked at Seunghyun. "Thanks." 

   "Here," Seunghyun said, offering his handkerchief. 

   Jiyong took it and he dabbed his sweat with it, grateful and careful not to mess up his makeup. The team had worked hard on it. "I'll give it back to you later...I'll wash it." Jiyong said. "Thank you."

   "No problem." Seunghyun said, still staring at him like he was spellbound only he had a smile on his face, like he was proud. And it made Jiyong flush all over again. He was staring so intensely, Jiyong was hiding his face. 

   "You know, you're really beautiful." Seunghyun said, his voice awfully deep. 

   Jiyong looked at him, and suddenly, he couldn't hear the music. Only his own heart. "I'm not beautiful," he said. "I'm such a horrible monster." he whispered. 

   "You're not a monster, Jiyong." Seunghyun gently said. "You're not doing anything wrong."

   Jiyong didn't know why but his deep voice found something inside him.  _You're not doing anything wrong_ sounded just like Youngbae's  _You did nothing wrong._ Only Jiyong didn't listen. He was too heartbroken, too devastated, too angry and upset, he was drowning in his negativity. But now, that his pain lessened, he realized something. Ever since he met Seunghyun, he didn't think about her a lot. Instead of wincing at every corner of his apartment, he wondered how it would feel to love with Seunghyun and think of his daily life. Instead of crying down, he thought carefully. Of course, it still hurt. He got cheated after all...after showing so much love. But for a long time, he thought it was himself who caused her to cheat. Was it my warm personality that she got sick of? Was it my style of affections she hated? But Seunghyun's deep voice brought him back. He felt tears behind his eyes. "It's not my fault?" he whispered. 

   Seunghyun reached over to him, stroking his hair. Just like she did. "It's not. Why would it be?" 

   Jiyong felt relieved that he let out a sob.  _Then I'm not a monster? I didn't do anything wrong?_ He thought. 

   "Come on," Seunghyun pulled his wrist. "It's a slow song." 

   Jiyong wiped his tears with the back of hand, letting himself get pulled to the dance floor where there was slow dancing people. Seunghyun was holding his shoulders and Jiyong felt his warm hands between the dip of his spine. He put a shaky hand on his shoulders and decided to move closer into him. "It's okay," he said and Seunghyun placed his hand on his waist, keeping it there. 

   Jiyong leaned into his hand that touched his cheek. Their bodies were swaying slightly to the slow beat of the music. Jiyong looked up at Seunghyun whose thumb was now slowly smoothing over his lips. His nerves buzzed with anticipation and he leaned into it, parting his lips slightly. Seunghyun's expression turned a little serious as the hand on his waist went to his hips. "I think I love you," Jiyong said. 

   "Yeah me too." Seunghyun said a little breathlessly. "When I first saw you here, in this very place, I wanted to talk to you. Ask you what's wrong? But at the same time, you looked so beautiful. Your skin was pale, your eyes were somber and honest...just like now," Seunghyun's hand stroked his cheek again. "But after really talking to you, I couldn't stop thinking about you. So when I saw you up the stage singing..." he broke off and their faces were close. "How do I think I felt?"

   Jiyong put a hand over Seunghyun's on his cheek. "You're not going to leave me?" he asked, voice soft. "You're not going to hurt me?" 

   "Never, Jiyong Kwon." Seunghyun said. 

   Jiyong let out a small shaky intake of breathe. "Promise?" he said, feeling Seunghyun's hand drop to his neck. His eyes never left Seunghyun's and their noses were perfect. 

   " _Promise._ " 

   Jiyong closed his eyes and felt lips on his own, brushing at first then growing deeper. Seunghyun's hand was now behind his head, fingers digging slightly into his hair, his head tilted up. And truly, Jiyong felt alive again. He could feel the sincerity, the promise behind Seunghyun's kiss. It wasn't forceful, or so fierce, but it was soft and sweet. It made Jiyong happy and he began to cry. 

* * *

 

_You have the same sad face as me_  
_Won’t you stay with me_

_A-yo what’s up baby girl_  
_You’re especially more beautiful today_  
_How’ve you been? It’s awkward between us right now_  
_I just wondered, everything feels so strange_  
_I pretend to be cool and start talking to you so you won’t be uncomfortable_  
_The atmosphere gets better at our cute jokes_  
_Even when I get serious sometimes, you just take it lightly_  
_It’s funny, at some point, the wine and tea are empty_  
_But it feels really full, there’s something_  
_Was so lonely, you know how I feel_  
_I’ve waited all day_  
_You pretend to be strong on purpose to push me out_  
_But you’re softer than anyone else, my darling darling_

* * *

 

   "Hyung!" Jiyong giggled as Seunghyun caught him into his arms, swinging them both around. "Ah, hyung! Let me down!" he was laughing loudly, not caring if anyone was watching or casting dirty looks. 

   "I love you Kwon Jiyong!" Seunghyun yelled with a smile and Jiyong laughed. 

   "I love you too Choi Seunghyun!" Jiyong said loudly.

* * *

_You have the same sad face as me_  
_Won’t you stay with me, come to me_  
_Your lips don’t agree but your eyes tell me you want me_  
_Won’t you stay with me, come to me_

_Let yourself stay in this moment without a word_  
_When tonight passes, a new day will start_  
_I only have you, you’re my only love_  
_He don’t hesitate and just as you are, stay with me_

 

 

   

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by: Middle by DJ Snake and Bipolar Sunshine  
> Song used: Stay With Me by Taeyang (ft. G-DRAGON)


End file.
